Z - SynapticFire

New Horizons

The professor of my Fundamentals of Public Administration class exhorts us to “challenge ourselves” in the class; to not stay safely within the comfort zones of our various strengths.  And it occurred to me, later, that this entire degree is somewhat out of my comfort zone.  This (Public Administration) is an entirely new field for me; my professional goals have always been more aligned with the Mental Health Counseling side of this joint degree.  My training and “expertise” lies more in the therapy/counseling realms; budgeting and formal managerial studies are, by default, way outside my comfort zone.  Does leaping into this new field altogether count as “challenging myself”?

Even though I’m more uncomfortable in my MPA classes than my counseling classes, just by nature of familiarity, there is much more overlap than one would first think.  I’m really learning how much I love program evaluation – and just how much study and research many of the public/mental health programs can offer from a managerial standpoint that can have fantastically broad impact on many sectors of society.

I was talking to my Fellowship faculty supervisor the other day about the fact that something many individuals in the helping professions forget is the evaluation piece of the puzzle.  There is so much data that we are, as counselors, required by law to collect and maintain.  Intake forms all the way through treatment and termination – there is so much information there!  A satisfaction survey here, an added questionnaire there, and you suddenly have the means to determine need and efficacy of a given program – or, at least, be closer than you were.  Learning what can be *done* with this kind of data is so exciting for me, and I can feel it opening all sorts of doors for me.

I’ve always asked the questions like “Is this what is needed?  How did it work?  What are people getting out of it?  What can we do to make things better?”  Being able to that professionally is a fantastic prospect. 

My “rah rah Suffolk” moment for this post: 

I just think that the MPA/MSMHC program is a brilliant idea.  It’s a blend of a business/administration degree focused on the business tools needed to pragmatically launch any enterprise (but especially one that will demand collaboration between the public and private sectors), and the therapeutic tools needed not only for counseling but the psychological understanding that is useful in any inherently political setting.  In only the first few lectures, I’ve found quite a number of overlaps between to seemingly disparate fields - and I love seeing such connections not only recognized, but supported and taught in such an innovative way.

Smarter, Not Harder

So the workload has hit me like a ton of bricks. I know I can do it and dig myself out, but this first two weeks of transition have been brutal to say the least. I work 20 hours a week as an admin at a hospital, and then work an additional 8 hours as a Fellow on campus. If the Fellowship were just a few more hours a week - or a few less - I would likely feel so much better. I’m in awe of the full-time working parents in my classes, and I feel like such a slacker compared to them - and then I remember that they are also taking 1 or 2 classes (not four!). There’s also those important things like eating, exercise, and sleep to attend to as well. So it’s clear that I’m insanely busy just like everyone else. As a result of the time crunch, I’ve been trying to figure out how to balance everything.

In undergrad, I had textbooks that I never even cracked because it just wasn’t warranted by the course. Some I skimmed as needed, others were read with utmost attention paid. And I realize that this, perhaps, is not the most scholarly of habits. So back in the summer, I had the optimistic and ambitious goal that I would read *every single thing* that was assigned.

200+ pages of assigned reading per week later, not including assignments… I wasn’t expecting a cakewalk, but sheesh! I’ve done it, but it’s taken some sacrifices (of my long run this weekend, for instance) that I was NOT happy about.

As a result, I’ve had to re-examine my ambition to “really read everything that’s been assigned”. Granted, a graduate program that is two joint professional degrees is not going to be the opportunity for coasting like undergrad was. I will have to work at this. OK, fine. But am I simply working harder, and not smarter?

I know enough about my own learning style to understand that reading is helpful but it is not where the bulk of my understanding comes from. I’m a lecture person - I love love love sitting in class and taking notes, discussing concepts with the professor and my classmates; having the immediate clarification of a concept or a thoughtful elaboration of a related question. The process of listening and taking notes roots things into my brain in ways that reading doesn’t quite do - although I do scribble liberally in the margins to engage that part of my process.

That’s not to say that I don’t understand and appreciate the purpose of the readings. But in the past two weeks, I have been trying to completely overhaul how I study to include reading Every. Single. Word. If I know that’s not how I learn, why have I been trying to do that? I mean, I will read study after study in service of a research paper, comprehend the concepts, and synthesize the data in some really neat ways. It’s not like I *can’t do it at all *- capability has nothing to do with it. It’s just been hard for me to see the purpose of essentially duplicating work, especially when some of the readings assigned in a given week echo each other.

So my new way of looking at things: Don’t underestimate what I am able to absorb through skimming, and simultaneously outlining what I’ve read. Read the case studies first, then the theory. Both will be discussed in class but it is the application of theory that seems most important to my professors, and that’s outlined in the case studies. Make sure I understand the basic concepts covered in the readings, in order to get the most out of the lecture, but don’t feel beholden to memorize every shred of text. There is nothing wrong with going *back* to read something if it isn’t clear, or if it’s been underscored in the lecture that I really need to understand a concept.

What I find most amusing about all of this is how perfectly it illustrates the detrimental effect of self-imposed pressure. For some reason, I selectively forgot that I was successful in undergrad - I don’t need to completely revamp everything, just tweak it in response to the needs of each course. That is one thing I know I am, and that I can offer myself: adaptability. Strategies – not straining.

One Week Down, Lots and Lots to Go

My first week of classes went well; I still don't have a full idea of what the shape of my weeks will look like, since I didn't have class on Monday.  But overall, I am confident of my ability to keep up with the work.

I've even surprised myself by already having 2/3 of my reading done in preparation for next week.  Go me!  If I can maintain the reading this semester on top of the projects I will be very, very happy.

I am increasingly aware that this endeavor will take some serious balancing of time and energy.  While I was not expecting anything else, the need for healthy stress reduction techniques is becoming obvious.

I am glad to feel the sense of support and understanding from the faculty; at the MPA orientation today, the head of the department said explicitly that, as students, our well-being should remain our top priority. Maintaining our health, our family relationships, our sanity is more important - and MUST be more important - than our performance in a class. 

Hearing such statements were reassuring, and it's not being taken by me as a "don't work hard" mandate, but as such:   I WILL do this; I WANT this experience - but I will not be so caught up in a specific timeline or GPA that I will lose sight of the actual goal: I'm here to learn, to engage, to fulfill my own dreams and potential.  I can do great things - and doing them at a pace that does not leave me sick or burned out makes them no less great.

The best part of today, though?  I sat in a room full of overwhelmingly successful and accomplished individuals - faculty and fellow students alike.  And I felt like I belonged.

I hope I never lose that feeling as I continue this journey.

Countdown Continues - Orientation

Went to the Graduate Orientation today; it was optional and while I initially hesitant to go, I'm glad I went.  

Overall, I'd recommend going to orientation, especially if you're new to the area.  If it conflicts with something you really have to be at, don't stress about missing it.  But it was a good reminder of services available, resources for students, and even ways to navigate Beacon Hill. 

Just knowing the secret to getting into the library (around the back, not the main entrance) as well as the tip about which Dunkin of the two on the Hill is the better one made it worth attending. 

I took 20 minutes and went back to the library after the tour - there are so many fantastic little study nooks and crannies it will be interesting to see which one I gravitate to habitually.  But scoping those things out in advance is crucial if you don't want to be wandering around the crowded library for the first time come mid-terms under stress and feeling panicky because all you need is a quiet place to plow through that stack of research... or to print that paper 15 before it's due because your printer at home decided to be balky.  It's the small things that make the difference. Also, being used to big public schools with big public libraries, it will be nice to have one that requires keycard access.

Once again, though, I am impressed by the involvement of the faculty and staff at Suffolk.  For instance:  an Associate Dean of the Sawyer Business School spoke at the orientation and mentioned that he is teaching a freshman course this year. 

Let me repeat that:  An Associate Dean is teaching freshman.  It almost every other academic environment I've been in, freshman classes are given to either the low person on the totem pole, or the person who drew the short straw.  And it certainly was not something that anyone at the Dean level would do.

So the fact that the administration of Suffolk is also still involved in teaching, and there seems to be a more cooperative relationship between administration and faculty (so far, anyway), is fantastically reassuring.  It really feels, instead of just sounds, like the entire university is focused on academic and professional development, from the top down.

First Impressions

Just started the two-week countdown, and I'm starting to get that excited/nervous mental energy ramped up.  What's amplifying those feelings up a bit is the feeling of What's At Stake.  A dual master's program that dovetails so perfectly with my professional and personal goals was hard to find and Suffolk is a very good fit (more on that later). 

It's hard for me to put a price on exactly the type of opportunity that I'm rather certain Suffolk will afford me. The Bursar's Office, however,  has no such problem finding a correlating monetary value for said opportunities.  Fortunately, I was awarded a Graduate Fellowship which eases the burden of that greatly (loans cover the rest).

The Fellowship is a great thing for a number of reasons - the faculty member I'm working with gets a minion, I get further hands-on training, expanded contacts, and did I mention the money? The money part of it is the least of my worries, though.  There is a lot riding on the next couple of years - not just the sheepskins, but the networks and contacts that I have the potential of making during my program at Suffolk. 

As an aside:  One of the things that attracted me to this program was the extensive and deeply involved Alumni community - alumni mentorship programs, alumni instructors; current members of a wide variety of political and private sector organizations willing to offer their expertise and advice to current students and fellow alumni.  It seems still to be much more involved and personal than simply writing a check, which is my impression of many other (larger) university Alumni associations.  

Ok, so back to my point:  It is clear to me that this program is not just about doing well academically.   I hope to also learn how to hone and polish my networking skills, my political acumen, and my ability to make the right impression on the right people at the right time.  Those social talents that some people have in natural abundance - and while I am not a complete social/political clod, let's just say they need work.

So it's not surprising that firing off a brief introductory email to my fellowship faculty supervisor today - requesting time to meet to discuss things like hours and what exactly I'm going to be doing - would bring about a touch of anxiety. 

Because, really, first impressions are a bitch - they set up the schema that a person has about you, and there is really nothing you can do about it.  IIRC, there have been studies done in the realm of social psychology that prove that first impressions really do matter, and that second and third impressions (on down the line) only modify the original schema.  It's incredibly hard to erase that schema all together.  And you never really know the actual impression you make on people, do you?

So way too late to make a long story short, I've taken steps to be a Real Live Graduate Fellow at Suffolk University by contacting my supervising faculty member and filling out the employment paperwork.  It's exciting, slightly nerve-wracking, but I'm always looking forward to the next great adventure...

Summer @ The Hatch Shell

Or:  One of the Many Reasons I Love Running (and Living) In Boston

My partner and I run along the Esplanade at least 4x per week.  Our route doesn't change all that much, but that's OK.  I have yet to be bored by the route, if only because the city offers up something new and unexpected very time.

Depending on when we go we sometimes add what seems like at least another mile to our run just dodging walkers, baby strollers, and rollerbladers. Other times (notably when we run during rainstorms) the paths along the Charles are eerily quiet and Storrow Drive sounds less like a motorway and more like the ocean.  Despite the sameness of the route there is always something new and interesting.

The Hatch Shell during the summer, though, seems to be the place for the most surprising things. Of course, it's used for the 4th of July Extravaganza and Boston Pops events.  But the events calendar on the official site doesn't quite do justice to just how often it is used - from classical concerts to "Free Friday Flix", there's also a plethora of local groups who use the sound system and the stage for their own, less-publicized events.

Which is why, in the course of our evening runs, we get a run-by taste of just a sliver of the diversity in this city:

One day as we passed the shell:   Opera (same week the Three Tenors came to town but it wasn't them I don't think)

The very next day: What looked like a half a dozen beautiful drag queens complete with feather headdresses, 6-inch platform heels, and hot pants giving samba lessons to passersby.

This week?  An Indian music festival, followed the next day by breakdancing/hip hop.

That may be the one sad part about the seasons - the Hatch goes quiet in the winter, and I do so look forward to coming around that corner and wondering what I'll see this time.

Time Is Relative

The funny thing about time is the way it defies all attempts to pin it down.  No matter how many linear constructs we pink apes try to lash to it, it remains a subject phenomenon of perception that has - in the end - only a passing resemblance to “reality”.

I say this, of course, because perceptually?   The three months of summer has felt like three weeks and the start of classes is bearing down like an anticipated freight train and I’m not quite off the tracks yet when I was certain I had plenty of time to cross.

Don’t misunderstand - the start of school is exciting for me.  I love the preparatory period of acquiring books, getting schedules and syllabi in order - generally mentally gearing up for Day One so I can have all cognitive cylinders firing from the very beginning.  So this is in no way a “I can’t believe summer’s over” whine (although I admit it may sound like it).

Ready or not, three weeks from today I will be introducing myself in my first class on the first day of this next grand adventure called graduate school at Suffolk - and I don’t quite feel I have my life 100% together yet.  All the dreams and schemes of having a perfectly organized house (or at least desk), schedule, and routine prior to school starting have been neglected as a result of my perception that “Of course I have plenty of time!”. 

Ah, well.  You make do with the life you’ve got and adapt when needed, right?